


Regrets

by Kitty_Savella



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Internal Monologue, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 02:46:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13603917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitty_Savella/pseuds/Kitty_Savella
Summary: Why does Sirius have to be such a wanker?





	Regrets

Regrets

I’ve heard tell that you never forget your first love. Well, I wish I could forget mine.

I fell in love with the wanker at the beginning of second year. Going a whole summer without him was torture. Especially on the nights of the full moon. I think Moony was in love with him before I realized that was how I felt, too.

It doesn’t matter anymore.

Even Moony hates him right now.

I can’t believe he did this to us.

I always knew, at least on an intellectual level, that Sirius was a total berk. It was clear in the way he treated his family, the Slytherins, and especially Severus Snape. I should have taken it to heart then. I should have heeded the warnings all these years. When Sirius hates someone, there is nothing he won’t do to torture them.

He and James say it’s just pranks. It’s harmless fun. Well, they can have each other. This time, they went too far. This time, it wasn’t just an enemy they hurt. This time, I was a casualty of their stupid war.

Enough is enough.

It could be argued that it’s not James’ fault. That I shouldn’t be mad at him. That he saved both Severus and myself from fates worse than death. Maybe that would even be right, if James were as mad at Sirius as I am. But he’s not.

“You know how Sirius is.” “He took his prank a little too far, but he didn’t mean to hurt anyone.” “It was just Snivellus.”

None of those are valid excuses or reason, though the first one is correct. I do know how Sirius is. It wouldn’t have stopped him from doing this, but maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad if I had left him at the first sign of his cruelty.

Maybe he didn’t mean to hurt anyone—though I doubt he would have cared if Severus had died—he still hurt two people with his actions. He almost killed Severus and nearly made me into the instrument of his death.

Saying that because “it was Severus that almost died, so it’s okay” is a load of crap. First, it wasn’t “just Snivellus.” It was me, too. And no one deserves to be mauled by a werewolf, and no werewolf deserves to wake up and realize their friends made him a murderer in the night.

I really hate Sirius right now. James, too, but I’m not in love with him. Even after this, I still love the stupid, murderous wanker. I hate that I love him. What does that say about me?

I wish I could just forget him. I wish I was strong enough to walk away. I’m so very weak. But I’m not stupid. I might love the arsehole, but I’ll never trust him again. It’s much less than he deserves.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little piece I wrote a bit ago, after my piece "No Regrets." They aren't at all related, but the themes seemed to fit together, sort of. I always saw Remus really struggling with this situation, as who could just brush off their friends treating them like this? Even if they weren't in a romantic relationship, Remus probably still struggled to come to terms with Sirius' apparent lack of care for him.


End file.
